Divining - The Tie That Binds.

I used to have this recurring dream after my Godmother (R.H.) passed away when I was thirteen. In the dream, I would always wake up in her bedroom, either already standing up or lying in her bed. The door to her bedroom would usually already be open, I would walk through the kitchen and into her living room where her reclining chair was always sitting growing up. Every time I reached her chair she was never sitting in it and I would wake up shortly after or either the dream would switch to something else entirely. After my SP episodes started happening again, my dreams were also becoming very vivid and lucid. I am not sure how often I have had this same dream over the years but I know it has been on quite a few occasions, at least. One thing I would like to point out is in this recurring dream, I was always my younger self, no older than 8 or 9. Well, one night I would have this same dream I had, had so many times before. 

I woke up in her bedroom as usual. I walked through her bedroom door that lead straight into the kitchen and from there proceeded directly ahead into the living room. Her recliner sat directly to the left as you walked into the living room. To some extent, I had to realize I was dreaming because when I walked into the living room and she was sat in her recliner, I remember feeling so shocked that she was actually there. I remember I stood froze for a moment just staring at her, after a few moments she just smiled at me and I realized compared to everything else around us, she was brighter and seemed to almost glow. When she smiled at me I couldn't help it but tears started streaming down my face and I just ran into her arms and gave her the biggest hug. I can't describe the feeling of hugging someone you never thought you would ever get the chance to hug again, how real it felt. I remember she took me by the arms and lightly pushed me away from her to where her face was facing mine. She said something to me, I wish I knew what it was but I don't. Shortly after she said what she said to me, I woke up. Upon waking, I noticed my face and pillow were drenched with tears. My emotional response to this dream was intense and very strong.

I instantly recalled everything that had just happened over in my mind and a big smile spread across my face. I knew it was her, after all these years she had finally somehow managed to come to me. Before she passed away from cancer and I moved away back to FLA (2002-2003), she and I had a conversation one day. She said if there was an afterlife that she would find a way to reach back out to me. I am not sure why, maybe it was my Mom's way of trying to protect me but not long after we moved back to FLA my Godmother (R.H.) passed away. My Mom never told me. I called my Godsister (L.F.) one day to check in on (R.H.) to see how she was doing and (L.F) didn't answer. So I left a message and she returned my call not long there after. 

When I answered the phone, I could hear the confusion in L's voice. One of the first things she said was "R is dead. She has been gone for a little while now." I didn't know until that phone call (R.H.) passed away while in the care of a nursing home, apparently the cancer had spread so badly she would fall when trying to walk at home. (R.H) being a bigger lady made it very hard for L to continue being her only source of care. Cancer eventually spread to R's brain, she was very disoriented and confused in the end. At one point she even called the police thinking the carer's in the home were trying to kill her and were holding her hostage. After hearing all of this I just fell to my knees sobbing and screaming. All I could keep thinking to myself is how scared she must have been and I couldn't be there for her. L explained to me she had told my Mom what happened. I was so upset my Mom never told me and I had to find out the way I did, I felt betrayed and lied to. Even still, all I could do was endure. 

As I mentioned in my last entry, at the current point in my story, I am living with my friend and roommate (D.P.) in Jonesboro. I was busy just hanging out in my room one day, I had bought a pendulum and guide from Books-a-Million a few days prior. From what I understood it was a way to try to communicate with your subconscious, your inner self. At this point I had already tried meditation, binaural beats, music therapy, and decided why not give it a shot? Admittedly, I didn't expect anything to happen and felt quite silly sitting there talking to myself and asking question's while waiting for responses from a pendulum. Still, I indulged in asking it simple yes or no questions I would already know the answers to. I would always do this as a test before starting my divining session's. What was strange though is eventually I realized the pendulum would move in any direction I asked it to, or completely stopped moving when I asked it to. Whether I asked it out loud or silently to myself. I found this really interesting. I would start off usually asking it to swing in a clockwise or counter clockwise motion. After a few seconds of this I would ask it to move in a different direction, either front to back, side to side, there have even been times I have gotten it to swing in an X motion. 

I was really curious if other people could do this or if it was something common or not. Back then, I only had a few people I would even consider opening up to about this stuff. As I have mentioned before in some of my older entries, I had an old childhood friend called (A.B.), before we eventually lost touch completely. I wound up giving him a call one day and showing him a video of me with the pendulum and even showed him while on video call so he could see it for himself in real time. To be honest he seemed a bit freaked out and would only say he has ever known of one certain type of person to be able to do that but he wouldn't elaborate on what he meant. He was very vague and guarded after I showed him, almost gobsmacked. Curiosity, as it does, got the best of me after that. I began asking friend's to try to do it too, to see if they could. Mind you, I have only ever tested it on maybe a handful of people, but none of them were ever able to get it to move like I could, if at all. To this day, I can still do this. Ironically, I still have the same video on my youtube channel I took all those year's ago that I showed to (A.B.) as well, though the quality and angle isn't the greatest. 

 

                            

My Godmother (R.H.) & Me. 1990-1991

Would you believe me if I told you I was born with a head full of hair & two teeth?

The Lull

When you feel lost and everything is gone, you realize in the end everything comes at a cost. 

The year 2018 was the first year since my divorce where I felt free for the first time, in a very long time, possibly ever. After moving out of my Dad's house in Newnan, I moved in with a friend of mine who lived in Jonesboro, GA (D.P.). About two month's after moving in with (D.P.) I was hired at a German air-filtration company in Atlanta, it was approximately a forty-five minute drive from where I lived, depending on traffic. I was already making a daily journey for work to Peachtree City, so I didn't mind traveling to the city for work. The day I got hired I called my friend who referred me for the position and as soon as he answered the phone I screamed very loudly "I got the job!" I was exstatic. He said I was so loud everyone in the warehouse could hear me. I was hired on as the CEO's personal assistant but in reality after a while I just felt like a glorified clerk. 

The job was pretty straight forward and simple. After a few month's working there I was able to get my best friend at the time (A.G.) a position with the company. She and I had been best friend's since high school, but we had lost touch for a few years and rekindled after my divorce. We were able to share an office together and car-pooled most days. She and I were like two peas in a pod all over again, it felt like no time had passed at all. In the evening's when we would get off of work and make the long drive back to my house we would jam out to loud music while cruising down the highway in my little two-seater smartcar. That thing was way too much fun to drive, it was the only car I ever got ticketed in while driving. Usually, once we got back to my house she would come inside and chill with me and smoke for a few before getting in her car to make the journey home, as she lived further away about another thirty minute drive. 

Life felt really good and everything felt right. I was making new friends, strengthening old friendships, and honestly blossoming as a person. I was finding myself and embracing this new life I had fought so hard for. I was genuinely happy and my soul felt free. I was spending a healthy amount of time alone but also a healthy amount socializing with friend's, going out and what-have-you. I found a nice balance that worked for me. It helped a lot after a few month's working at the new company, I was able to get health insurance and in time was prescibed proper depression and anxiety medication that suited my need's perfectly. I felt like an entirely different person. The pain I used to suffer with, the headaches, the lack of appeitite and weight loss, the constant lethargy and lack of energy was all gone. I was eager and driven, I felt comfortable in my own skin and also in my own mind. However, as the cycle has proven, this senses of peace wouldn't last. 

As I mentioned earlier, I was socializing a lot more. I had started hanging out with an ex-coworker more often, we will call him (J.M.) he would usually come over to my place and we would play video games or sometimes we would meet up somewhere to eat lunch and just talk. I had worked with him previously in Peachtree City at a window manufacturing warehouse. He was quiet and reserved and came off a little odd until you got to know him better and he became comfortable enough to come out of his shell a bit. He was really tall and thin, and wore his hair a bit long to his shoulders. I remember he would always be wearing a wool hat of some sort to work, in sometimes 90 degree weather. Other times he would wear a bandana. I always got the sense that he was sad maybe even a bit lonely. Early one morning he invited me to come over to his house to hang out, I stopped at McDonald's and brought breakfast for us to eat. He lived with his Dad in this pretty big house, his Mom apparently lived out of State somewhere else and wasn't home much. When I walked into his house I got the feeling of sadness as well, a light heaviness filled the atmosphere. The house felt old and dark, not much natural sunlight got into the house either. 

I follwed him through his house, he lead me through the kitchen and living room. I noticed there were still Christmas decoration's and a tree up and it was around mid year, so I knew they had been up for a while past their expiration date. As we walked through the living room to make our way down the hallway, I remember his Dad approached us as he walked down the stairs into the living room. (J.M.) introduced us both and I recall feeling the same sad energy lingering around his Dad. We eventually continued and made our way down the hallway to his bedroom. We sat, ate and played video games for a few hours and talked. Eventually, I started to get a bit sleepy since I had shown up in the early a.m.'s so I asked (J.M.) if we could lay down and get a little nap in. It usually takes me a while to fall asleep in a foreign place but I was tired enough to fall asleep relatively quickly.

I don't know how long I was asleep for before my consciousness woke up but the rest of my body was very much still asleep, it always feels so heavy. My eye's were closed but I could see around me clearly, twilight blue filled the room. (J.M.) was asleep next to me and as my eye's scanned the room around me, my eye's locked onto the dresser across the room from the bed where we were sleeping.  There, on top of the dresser stood crouched over, was the same shadow figure I had seen countless times before. It's overly long arms and legs bent to fit into the space between the dresser and the ceiling. It's head tilting slowly from one side to the other as before, as it sat there silently observing me. As I usually do, I drifted off back to sleep and when I woke up a few hours later, I had that all familiar feeling. The lull was over and whatever it was, was back. Nothing I did changed or altered the fact that the only thing determining when and if I saw this shadow was simply time. Medication didn't stop it, lifestyle changes didn't stop it, it didn't matter if I was stoned or sober, awake or asleep. If it wanted me to know it was there, it was going to and it did. 

Memories Fade to Black

One thing I have noticed over the year's is how people seem to change around me. I used to always pride myself on being able to pick up on and read other people's energies. The last five year's have taught me a valuable lesson, that the living can be far scarier and deceiving than the dead, and what we think we know is a far cry from what really is. 

It wasn't long before thing's started going south living with my god-sister, after almost 4 month's her true colors began to shine through as people's tend to do, especially once you live with them. I was warned by a close family friend before moving in with (L.F.) but naturally I disregarded his warnings and moved in with her anyway. In my mind she would have no reason to do me dirty or mistreat me but how wrong I would turn out to be. In the short time I lived with her I was greatly taken advantage of. I basically helped her pay all of her previous year's taxes on her home and every month I was handing her money for rent and unility bills of which I was never shown an actual bill for, ever. It wasn't until I started putting my foot down so-to-speak that thing's began to get tense around the house. I realized that I was handing her a lot of money every month and she was always asking for more. Keep in mind I was barely making enough on a restaurant wage to take care of my own bills at the time, let alone someone else's. So, one day I had a talk with her one on one and told her from then on I would have to see each bill that I was helping to pay and giving her money for. She didn't like this at all and began to do petty stuff around the house such as complain about my cat's or that I never took the time to take the trash to the dump, that was a five minute drive away. Even though I was working full time and she was home 24/7 and able to drive herself. She refused to work and was constantly getting denied disability benefits. 

She began to go out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable at any and every moment she could. I yet again, found myself in a very shitty situation. One afternoon, I confronted her again about the way she had been treating me and it ended with her blockading herself in her room with many of my possessions's (gaming consoles and video games) while refusing to let me in to get any of them. This was the last straw for me, I had to leave. I couldn't live like this, I was trying to better myself and my life not put myself through more unnecessary hell. I left that day and went to rent a u-haul to move my stuff, (K.F.) and my sister (J.G.) and her boyfriend at the time all met me to help me move everything that afternoon. When I returned to my god-sister's home all the doors to the house were locked and her car was parked in the driveway, so I knew she was home. She never gave me a key to the house the whole time I lived with her. Myself along with the three of them began knocking on each door to the house (there were 3) one being directly connected to her bedroom. She completely ignored us, I had no option in the end but to call the police. After waiting outside in the blistering GA heat for almost 45 minutes the police officer showed up at her house and within a few minutes after the officer telling her she had to do so, she let me and (K.F) in to get my thing's but refused my sister or her boyfriend entry to help. We had everything packed up and ready to go within 25 minutes despite it. I was mortified and beyond pissed off that any part of that shit show ever took place. Needless to say, after considering (L.F) family for almost 27 year's at that point in my life, I never spoke to her again. 

After leaving and moving out of my god-sister's house the only person I had left to lean on for help was my biological father (T.C.). Someone I had little to no relationship with at all. I had spent a handful of occassions with him since turning 18 and being legally allowed to. With his background and the history behind him it's always left me extremely unsure about his truth, therefore I always maintained a healthy distance. (T.C.) had offered for me to move in with him shortly after I had moved in with (L.F.) but at that point in time I had no reason to leave and felt I was helping someone who meant a lot to me, so I politely declined his offer. Luckily for me he was still more than happy month's later to let me move in with him, his wife, and their young daughter. So, I drove about an hour away to start again some place new. Within the first few week's I snagged a job as an assistant teacher at a local daycare center earning a decent wage. I learned a lot during my time there and met some amazing people in the process. It was during this time that I started experiencing extremely bad headaches that turned out to be tension headaches and extreme pain in my neck, shoulder's and back. Every morning I was eating Tylenol and ibuprofen  for breakfast, I was in constant pain again. It felt like whatever had flared up prior to moving in with (L.F.) had come back with a vengeance. I boiled it down to stress and my bodies way of coping with it. 

I can't recall exactly how long I lived with (T.C.) it was approximately for 6 months but the whole time I lived there nothing otherwordly or paranormal happened to me. No sleep paralysis, no disembodied voices, no shadow figures, nothing. I have always been left wondering why? I remember having a few conversation's with both (T.C.) and his wife at the time (C.C.) seperately. My Father found religion while imprisoned and considers himself a Christian, follows and believes in the bible to a T. His wife in turn was also a Christian and had told me that sometime after they moved in to their house they had the house blessed. I will be the first person to hold my hand's up and say that I am not religious by any means and I have a hard time accepting organized religion but it is the only house I have lived in for over a decade where nothing paranormal happened to me at all. Could it be coincidence? Of course. It is still very interesting to ponder about though, that maybe there is some power to prayer and blessing. For a while, despite the physical pain I was in, it was nice to feel "normal" again. I wasn't waking up to my name being called by a disembodied voices, I wasn't having SP episodes or seeing shadow figures. For a while, all those memories faded to black and I felt lighter. 

Betwixt

I was stuck in-between two worlds. The world we know as reality and the world of which we have labeled as spirituality...

A big part of myself has always questioned everything around me ever since these thing's started happening to me. I look at what we call reality or day to day life very much as an illusion. I have been shown time and time again that we have absolutely no idea what is really going on around us, not really. After the sleep paralysis episode at the social gathering I attended happened, I was shaken. I big part of me had hoped that whatever had been going on with me was tied to the house at Winding Stream Trail but this proved to me it wasn't anything to do with the house. It wasn't anything to do with the property or it's past history. It was entirely to do with me. Whatever it was, was following me. It had been following me for years but for exactly how long, I am not sure. I began partaking in cannabis more often, it relaxed me and seemed to help me cope more with all the crazy shit I was going through. Looking back now, I realise I was just trying to find a way to distract myself from what was really going on around me but it didn't stop it. 

My sister (J.G.) reached out to me one evening and invited me to come hang out with her and her boyfriend (J.C.) at the time. At this point it had been years since we had talked to each other about anything paranormal going on with us. So she had no clue that my sleep paralysis episodes had become more frequent or that I was even seeing the shadow spirit again. I had been keeping these thing's (mostly) to myself. Last time we spoke on the subject was after our Mom had passed away in 2011 when I was 21. Almost 6 years had passed since then. My friend at the time (KF) that I mentioned in my last entry, came with me that evening to hang out with them. He drove us to meet them at (J.C.)'s house. When we arrived the sun was starting to set and my sister and her boyfriend had already started cracking open a couple of cold ones and winding down for the evening. So (KF) and I indulged in some beer and cannabis while we spent hours sitting on the front porch listening to music and talking well into the night. 

Once again we decided it was best not to drive under the influence, so we decided to crash there until morning. In the living room there was 2 couches and 1 recliner. The four of us eventually migrated to the living room to end the night watching a movie. (KF) and I sat on one couch while (J.G.) and (J.C.) sat on the other. At some point I had fallen asleep and when I woke up the room was dark and everyone was obviously asleep in bed. Laying on the other end of the couch with me was (KF). I really needed to use the restroom so I got up and made my way to the bathroom which was only a few paces away. When I came back, I decided to sleep in the chair recliner. As I was falling to sleep I could slowly feel that familiar feeling of heaviness begin to spread over my body like a blanket. I knew it was coming so I didn't fight it. I struggled a little bit to open my eye's but when I did finally manage to, I could see it standing there over me next to the recliner chair. I just stared at it and it just stood there and stared back at me, slightly tilting it's head to one side as if very curious. It was a solid black mass of a bald human-alien like figure. It's arms and legs were longer than a normal human and it's head was more oval instead of round. I could see the rest of the living room around me, (KF) was still asleep on the couch to my left, and I could see the ceiling fan spinning above me. As I always do I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. 

These episodes were becoming so frequent that they no longer really scared me. Nor, thinking back on it, did this shadow spirit ever give off a malicious energy when it would visit me. I didn't understand why it kept visiting me or what the purpose behind any of it was. It wasn't like the lady in black or the evil entity behind the malicious laughter in the other SP episode. All I could take from it was it wanted me to know it was there but why? That was always the recurring question: "Why?" Then I would ask myself who? When I was wide awake and the shadow spirit back in 2011 made contact with me, I thought then it may have been my Mom because of how recently she had passed in regards to time-frame. Now, I know I didn't know shit. 

Winding Stream Trail PT4: An Old Friend From Way Back When

After nearly three year's of living at Winding Stream Trail and over time, becoming more of a stranger in my own life, I decided it was time to make a change. A drastic and life changing one. I figured if I was going to endure everything alone then I might as well be alone. I left the life I had been building for the last decade behind. I divorced my first husband, I left him the house and most of the contents within it. I really didn't care that I would have to start over and rebuild my life from scratch. In a way, that is what I wanted. When I left Winding Stream Trail the activity seemed to die down a lot around me. After a little while I boiled it down to something to do with the house itself. For the first month or so, after I left, my life was a bit hectic. I wound up moving in with my God-Sister (we will call her L.F.) for a short time. Her Mother (we will call her R.H.) basically had a big helping hand in raising me since I was born, her and my Mother were very close friend's, and I looked at R.H. very much like a second Mother growing up until her passing when I was thirteen. So in turn, I looked at L.F. like a sister. It felt strange being back in that house again after fifteen years. The whole house had been gutted and sat mostly barren apart from what furniture and belonging's L.F. had in her bedroom. It was an empty shell of what it once was and it didn't feel like the warm and welcoming home it once did so long ago. 

It was an old shotgun house and it had two bedrooms and two bathroom's, a kitchen and a living room. When I moved in with L.F. I moved into R.H.'s old bedroom. I could still remember how the bedroom used to be set up all those year's ago as a little girl, when she was still alive. There were so many good memories tied to that house for me, it made me really sad to see the life and warth had all but completely drained from it. L.F. had fallen on really hard times after R.H. passed away and over time had to sell her and her Mother's possession's both to keep herself and the house afloat. At the time I could tell L.F. was really happy I was there, right away she started referring to it as our home. It made me feel really welcomed and comforted me to know that I could breathe and relax for a little while. The stress from the drastic and unplanned big life change was definitely taking it's toll on me. I was dropping in weight drastically and was suffering from really bad migraines as well as body aches and sometimes, severe pain. To which at times could be really debilitating. 

After at least a dozen or so doctor visit's and countless prescription medication's being prescribed to help manage pain, I still had no answer's as to what was really going on with me. I felt that because I was so young (26 at the time) doctor's weren't taking me nowhere near seriously enough. I didn't have medical insurance, so every visit and every prescription was paid for in it's entirety directly out of my own pocket. A few times, medication they prescribed to me would be way too expensive for me to afford (Upward's of $250 a bottle). I couldn't keep doing this so I eventually just accepted that whatever was going on, I was going to have to deal with on my own and do my best to help myself manage. 

One night, not long after I moved in with L.F., I was invited out to a house party by a friend of mine at the time (K.F.). It was just going to be a small gathering of people nothing too wild and crazy. I usually wasn't one to indulge in social gathering's but I felt like it might do me some good to get out and have a little bit of fun for a change. Give myself a break from the stresses of every day life. I rode in his car with K.F. to the party that night, his friend's house (Z.A.) was located in a very posh looking neighborhood. The houses were absolutely massive, mansion's by my own personal standard's. When we arrived and pulled into Z.A.'s driveway his house was no different, it was also massively gorgeous. K.F. and I got out of his car, grabbing bags of food and alcohol we had brought along for the party and made our way up the steps to the front door and gave it a knock. You could hear music blaring on a stereo from inside of the house as you approached the front door. At first K.F. and I just looked at each other and wondered if they would be able to hear us knocking over the loud music playing but after a few second's Z.A. opened the front door to let us in. 

As we entered the smell of marijuana smoke was heavy in the air and though the dowstairs area was pretty much void of anyone, you could hear people walking and talking upstairs. That was obviously where the party was taking place. We took a few minutes to unpack our bags of food and stuff we had brought with us and spent a few minutes socializing with Z.A. before he decided to lead us upstairs with the rest of the crew. As he lead us through his minuature maze of a mansion, we came to a big bedroom with only a few pieces of furniture in it and connected was a bathroom that was about the size of the bedroom itself. When we entered the bathroom we were greeted by Z.A's wife and about 4 or 5 more of their friend's, all gathered around talking and passing joint's around to each other. This was obviously where the extremely dank smell of marijuana smoke was coming from. We found our spots amongst the circle and joined in to partake. Up until this point I had smoked marijuana maybe twice in my whole life so even though I wasn't particularly new to the experience, I was definitely a light weight. Especially when there was multiple joint's being passed around the room at once. We all sat in there for about half an hour to forty-five minutes just chilling out conversating and smoking before we decided to go outside to catch some fresh air. 

Since we had been drinking and smoking Z.A and his wife offered for us both to spend the night at their house. It's better to be safe than sorry so we both decided to take them up on their offer and stay the night. Neither one of us had work or any real plans the next day. After about another hour or so I was extremely baked and more than a bit tipsy from drinking on top of it. It's not something I did often so I wasn't really aware of my own limitations. I eventually excused myself from the rest of the group and went downstairs to lay down on their couch in the living room. It was warm and cozy and dimly lit. Next to the couch was a fireplace which was lit and above it was a TV that was switched on but was muted, so there was no noise in the room. It didn't take long before I eventually drifted off to sleep, I was beyond exhausted and my body felt heavy. I had definitely overdone it a bit but thankfully not to the point to where I made myself sick. 

I am not sure how long I had been asleep for before I woke up again not able to move. I instantly thought to myself "Oh no. Please, tell me this is not happening. Not again." I laid there unable to move but with a little effort and determination I was able to squint my eyes open enough to see the room around me. I could still hear the crackling from the fireplace, though the TV no longer appeared to be on, I could see on the couch across from me that K.F. was fast asleep. To my knowledge everyone now appeared to be asleep in bed. The house was quiet and pretty dark. Then instantly, my attention went to the window next to the couch I was sleeping on, which was directly next to my head. Standing in front of the window next to the fireplace stood a shadow figure. My heart sank and started to pound "You have to be fucking kidding me?" It was just standing there, still as ever, appearing to just observe me. As I stared at it for a moment it looked oddly familiar to me as if I had seen it before. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It looked like the same exact shadow spirit that I saw through the mirror of my bathroom back in 2011. The same one I saw while I was wide awake five year's prior. It's as if it realized I had made this connection somehow and then something that has never happened before, happened. This shadow figure that was now standing before me observing me went a step further. It literally spoke to me and said "You are going to regret what you did." This memory has stuck with me for a long time and I didn't know wether to take it as a threat or as a warning to be careful. At this point I knew for sure that it wasn't just the house at Winding Stream Trail. Whatever or whoever this was has been following me for much longer and by the look's of it, had no intention's of leaving. No matter where I went. It would surely follow.

Winding Stream Trail PT3 - The Experiment

I believe there is some truth to the saying: "If you seek it out, it will find you." My curiosity only grew as more time passed. I began taking pictures more often around the house when I was alone. Back then I had a nice Nikon digital camera that I used for my photo session's. I don't know the real science behind it but something to do with the flash of the camera allows us to see thing's that we usually can't with the naked eye. Being in my mid 20's, among spending a lot of time alone, I found solace in music. Over the year's without realising it, I built emotional connection's to song's from various music artist's of various genre's. A big one for me was "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac. For year's I couldn't listen to that song without breaking down into tear's. I silently deemed it my Mother's song after she passed away. 

I began to notice that when I was home alone and playing certain song's through Spotify or Youtube that one of two thing's would start to happen. I would either start to get this tingling sensation that would start at the top of my skull and work it's way down my body leaving me covered in goose-bumps OR I would start to get weird feeling's and start hearing thing's around the house. One day I am not sure what possessed me to (possibly my cat's acting strange) but instead of taking pictures I decided to try to film a video instead to see if I could capture anything. Ironically, I was listening to "If you have ghosts" by Ghost when I started filming in the computer room which was very much audible in the video afterwards. At first I felt really silly, I didn't really think I was going to capture anything on video but after a few minutes and a bit of patience, I started to see several bright balls of light start to appear on the screen. They were hovering around the computer desk next to mine, which belonged to my husband at the time. 

I sat for a few second's observing them, darting my eyes from the screen of the camera to where they were supposed to be flying around. At first I thought that it could all simply just be dust particles in the air but the way they moved so fast and with purpose seemed to greatly suggest otherwise. I moved and positioned the camera to film the doorway which lead out into the the hallway and kitchen area. Directly outside the computer room, across the little hallway, was a small closet door we used for storage. It wasn't long before I saw these same balls of light flying out of the closet, through the closed door, coming directly into the computer room where I was sat. I even captured some orbs coming up through the floor from where the basement and two-car garage was located on the level below. (Where I had previously captured the ghost hooks in a photo after our basement flooded) I was intrigued and somewhat relieved to have caught these light anomalies on video. It somewhat was a small step towards validating I wasn't entirely losing my mind. After a few minutes of filming I decided that for the hell of it I was going to take a few pictures too.

I snapped a few random photo's and looked toward's the doorway which lead into the room to take another. I had a habit of glancing at the screen of the camera each time I took a photo, as it gave you a few second's to see a photo after it was taken before it was stored. As I glanced at the photo of the doorway, I noticed right away that something had been captured. Right away I went into my photo library to bring up the picture to have a better look. At the top of the door frame, hovering in the doorway was a big bright florescent green colored orb. As soon as I realised what I was seeing, this insane energy burst just comes rushing in at me, engulfing me. It's the weirdest overwhelming and intense sensation to try to explain, it's like a violation of space by a force of energy that you can't even see but only feel. Almost instantly that fight or flight adrenaline came over me, kicked into overdrive by the energy I was feeling but I didn't run, I stood my ground. I just simply said "I can feel you, I know you are here, can you please stop?!" and just like that it began to ease off and go completely. For a few minutes I just sat there in silence in complete disbelief at everything that I had just experienced. All of my energy felt like it had just been sucked right out of me, I was completely drained. I was so tired that it felt like I had not slept in days. I had, had enough and after some time spent calming myself down I decided to go lay down and try to get some sleep. 

Later that night after I woke back up, B.B. and a mutual friend of ours (We will call him Yogi) who lived with us at the time, were both back home from work. I felt like even though it was nothing ground-breaking at least the video I had captured of the balls of light flying through the room, through the floors, and through closed doors would be enough to kind of show them I really was experiencing thing's when no one else was around. I remember playing the video for B.B. and watching his reaction to it. Afterward's he just looked at me and said something along the lines of "What is it supposed to mean and what am I supposed to do about it?" he had mentioned to me in the past (a few times) that the paranormal and anything to do with it basically scared him so he didn't mess with it or indulge in it. So after his response I didn't even bother mentioning the green florescent orb experience. From that point on I was pretty much done trying to prove anything to anyone except myself. The more attention and time I invested into this, the more often thing's seemed to happen. 

It was time, to instead of just observing silently and documenting, to change the way I had been going about thing's. This time I was going to do a little experiment, I was going to actively try to engage and interact and communicate, directly, with whatever this entity(s) was that was around me. My thought process was that the theory behind spirits is they need energy in order to manifest. The idea of using our rechargable lithium battery-powered flashlight instantly came to mind. It was heavy-duty and descently newish but most of all, reliable. I went to collect the flashlight and it's charger from the basement and brought them upstairs to plug in until fully charged. Once everything was in order I closed the door to the computer room to keep my three cat's out of the room, I turned everything off in the room so there was only complete silence. It was broad daylight outside so the room was lit up naturally from the sunlight shining through all the pine tree's surrounding the house in our yard. I sat in my computer chair at my desk and swiveled to face out into the room. 

I held the flashlight out in front of me in my right hand and turned the switch to where it powered on. I took a deep breath in and asked "If there is someone here with me, will you please turn the flashlight off?" I sat for a few seconds in complete silence, looking casually around the room waiting to see if I get a response. Next thing I know I feel the area around my right hand start to get very cool in temperature, like significantly cooler. I begin to feel tiny vibrations in my hand from the inner-working's of the flashlight being messed with, I could hear the inside of the flashlight making a clicking sound. Then within an instant, the flashlight turned off and that same exact intense energy that I described earlier, came flooding in even more intense than before.  That was it, I completely lost it. I grabbed my purse and car keys (I had a car by this point in time again, thankfully) and left immediately. I was scared sh*tless. This time I ran, I was not sticking around after that. As soon as I got into my car to drive off, I felt like it was still following me. I felt like the damn thing was sitting in the passenger seat directly next to me. (Also, to point out I drove a little two-seater smartcar) So it was close and I refused to look into any mirror's as I drove. It wasn't until I was almost well into town that I felt it finally leave. To say I was shook would be an extreme understatement. This experienced changed me and my mindset about everything up until that point. I was living and existing in a f*cking nightmare...both awake and asleep. 

I was no longer curious, I wasn't interested in trying to understand or communicate. I just wanted it to be over.  

 

 

Winding Stream Trail PT2 - Down The Rabbit Hole

After my experience with the Lady in Black, I really started researching the matter a lot more. I had reached the point to where I knew it wasn't all just in my head, it wasn't all just one big elaborate coincidence. What ever was going on and what ever was happening to me, even though it hadn't been consistent over the year's, was definitely happening. It was 100% real to me and I felt the only way I was going to find any answer's was going to be by learning as much as I could about the paranormal, sleep paralysis, astral projection, spirits/shadow spirits, spirituality, astrology, numerology, reincarnation, the list really does go on. For the better part of almost two weeks all I did in my free time was research, watch video's on Youtube, watch documentaries, watch paranormal tv shows, and do more research in between. I became borderline obsessed and even took it upon myself to rearrange the bedroom in a way that was supposed to improve Feng Shui and moved the bed away from the window (where it was positioned previously). 

Toward's the end of this two week period I had another episode of sleep paralysis (So much for Feng Shui). This was the first time I had experienced episodes so closely together. There was at least a year or two that seperated my first two episodes. This one also happened as I was falling to sleep and not waking up. I remember on this particular night I was having a really hard time getting comfortable and falling to sleep. I am not certain how long I was tossing and turning for but it had to of been for at least a few hours. I just remember at one point being aware that I felt like I was floating down, what I can only describe as a stream of soft silk. It flowed like water in a stream but was so soft and didn't have a cool or warm sensation to it. I distinctly remember thinking to myself "This feels really nice, I am just going to relax and see where this goes." because I had been struggling to fall asleep for so long. I was extremely naive to think this way after what I had went through previously. This relaxing and somewhat soothing experience quickly turned into something much more disturbing. 

As I began to indulge in the silky river and allow myself to drift off , I was met with the most evil and sinister sounding laugh you could possibly imagine coming from outside around me. Not in my head but right next to me at my bedside in my bedroom. Though my body was paralyzed there wasn't a sensation of heaviness on my body like there had been before in previous episodes, and even though it was a struggle I was able to fight to open my eyes enough to see around me. That usual intense fight or flight emotional response was more than apparent and once again, I was all fight. I felt like whatever this thing was, was intentionally trying to scare me. Like, it was getting some kind of sick twisted enjoyment out of tormenting me. I mustered all the strength I could in my neck to turn my head to the side of the bed where this laughter was coming from. The challenge of struggling to open my eyes was just as diffcult but I was eventually able to get my sight positioned exactly where it would of been standing but there was nothing there. I couldn't see anything at all. I'm not quite sure if most people would have the same responses to these thing's as I do but I instantly got pissed off. 

I began to order my brain to snap out of it and every muscle in my body to start moving. I wasn't about to try to force myself to go to sleep after this. After some time writhing I was able to finally force myself up and awake. I sat up straight in bed, right away looking around the room, my eye's darting to every nook, cranny, and crevice. The room was dimly lit by a silent TV screen, the only noise coming from the ceiling fan above. My husband at the time was once again asleep soundly next to me, nonethewiser to anything that had just happened. I didn't understand what was going on and I had no one to talk to about it. The few people I did decide to share it with, usually didn't even know how to respond. Thing's only continued to ramp up after this.

My energy levels started to greatly decrease. I was sleeping 12 to 16 hours a day and sometimes more. No matter how much or how little sleep I got, I would feel completely exhausted. Forcing myself up and scraping myself out of bed to even go to work was misery. At this particular point in time I was going through a lot in my private life and I was extremely unhappy in a lot of area's. Depression from private life combined with confusion and frustration about all the thing's going on with me and around me that didn't make sense, depleted my energy entirely. I can't recall how much time exactly had passed in between but eventually I began to get woken up while sleeping, very regularly, to my name being called. Sometimes it would sound male, other times like a female. There were times it sounded demonic or even robotic but the voice never sounded the same each time it would happen. 

In the coming weeks that turned into months, I was spending a lot of time alone by myself. I would spend a lot of my time sitting at my PC in the computer room, usually playing video games and listening to music. On this particular day I was sitting at my computer desk playing World of Warcraft with a friend of mine who lived in Texas, we will call him C.N. We were on voice chat through Discord and we had just entered into a battle ground (PVP arena). All of a sudden my entire computer just shuts off completely and so does the light in the room. I look over at my husband at the time's computer desk (as it was close by to mine) and his computer was still on and running like normal. At first I thought it was a simple power surge or a blip since the house was quite old but then I started to feel that weird type of energy start to build up in the room around me. That same kind of energy I felt all those years ago when I was 14 in Panama City Beach, Fla. The room started to feel really heavy, like there were too many people crowded into one room, even though I was home completely alone. I don't know why but I began to feel extremely unsafe and I told myself to just leave. I low key started to panic and decided to call my friend back on mobile. I explained to him what was happening and asked him to stay on the phone with me while I got dressed to leave the house. 

My bedroom was located right next door to the computer room. As I walked out of the computer room and into my bedroom it was like whatever it was, I could feel it following me. I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans from my closet and I tell C.N. to hold on for a few seconds while I get dressed. I sat the phone on the bed and rushed as fast as I could to get dressed. As I am almost finished and pulling my t-shirt over my head, I am instantly frozen in fear. I hear someone standing next to me whispering something incomprehensible into my ear. It was so low, I couldn't even make out if it was supposed to be a male or female voice. I paused for just a few seconds (still hiding within the safety of my cotton threaded t-shirt) to see if it says something else and it DID. I pull my shirt over my head and look next to me revealing nothing is there. I grab my phone and my purse and tell C.N. I am calling my Grandfather to come pick me up. Unfortunately, my car had recently broken down so I was unable to drive. My Grandfather only lived about a 10 minute drive away from me so thankfully it wouldn't take him long to get there. I sat on the steps of my front porch until my Grandfather arrived. 

Even though it was about a 10 minute journey his arrival seemed to take ages. As soon as his car came to a stop in the driveway, I jumped into the passenger side seat. I must have appeared a bit visably shaken because the first thing he asked me was if I was alright? I honestly didn't know what to say or how to begin to explain what was going with me without sounding completely bat-shit crazy. For years I had been experiencing odd things here and there, since being a little girl BUT nothing ever like this. Other than my sister and a few friends here and there over the years, I never spoke to anyone about these types of things. Most of the time it was because I didn't know how to and honestly I didn't want other's to start judging me or thinking that I am crazy because it's the easiest thing to do in these kind's of circumstance's, to just assume someone is crazy or mentally ill over these sort's of topics. Especially, when you come from and live in the bible belt. 

When we arrived at my Grandparent's house my Grandfather and I sat on his porch smoking a cigarette. We sat in silence for a few minutes, I was inwardly trying to decide if I was going to try to open up to him about some of the thing's going on with me or not. I thought to myself the worst that could come of it, was he would think I was a complete fruit loop who's cheese had slid all the way off it's cracker. Instead of laying it all out I just asked him a few question's on the subject matter. I asked him if he ever experienced something he couldn't explain, something that seemed odd and maybe even supernatural? My Grandfather was a man's man, very old school. When and if something upset him emotionally you wouldn't know it, he never cried in front of anyone except maybe my Grandmother, and he wasn't easy to have emotional or even spiritual conversations with. I asked him if he had ever felt thing's or saw thing's he couldn't explain? He looked out into his front yard and took a long drag off of his cigarette. Surprisingly, he nods his head and said "Yes." I am not sure if the shock was apparent on my face but so many questions came flooding into my head, I was extremely curious. He continued on to say that there have been a few times in his life that he has seen or felt something strange but would deal with it by ignoring it. Unfortunately, my curiosity was short lived and I decided to leave it there. 

I was at a crossroads and I knew I had two options. I could either choose to embrace what was going on with me and open myself up to it and possibly find some answers OR I could choose to keep trying to ignore it. 

Well...since trying to ignore it for so many years didn't seem to be working, I took it upon myself to open myself up to the possibility of something that seemed impossible. It was time to travel willingly down that rabbit hole...